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BLARGH: "My First SWOON" by Eileen Cook

Thursday, June 11, 2009

"My First SWOON" by Eileen Cook


Hope you enjoyed eavesdropping on an intimate conversation between Sin and I. Enjoyed, and found your mission: If you want a SWOON sequel, or a SWOON series, do your part to make SWOON a massive bestseller!

Yechhh, why does self-promotion feel so sullying? Just typing the above makes me want to take a shower…

Before I do, I must return to our next guest blogger and her first SWOON…

The term “perfect stranger” never made sense to me until the day an email popped in my inbox from Eileen Cook. The author of Unpredictable and What Would Emma Do?—whom I’d never met—had just read an ARC of SWOON and felt compelled to tell me how much she dug it. How good did it feel to have this stranger contact me with just the perfect words? Very!

Further proof of Eileen’s perfection: She wants to give you—yeah, you—$75 to spend on books. Mm-hmm, she’s running a contest to celebrate the six-month anniversary of What Would Emma Do? and the winner gets a $75 gift card to her/his book store of choice. So go right now to www.eileencook.com for entry details. Hurry, contest ends 2 July 2009.

Go, go, go—then come back and read Eileen’s perfectly cute and smart and funny “My First SWOON.”


Falling for Him

I went to a Catholic high school. We were required to attend church on random school days as our souls needed way more saving than could be completed on a Sunday morning. We all grumbled about having to go, but it was better than sitting in math class having to sort out quadratic equations and polynomial expressions. In theory we were supposed to be pondering our eternal souls, but in reality most of us spent the time whispering, passing notes, and plotting our romantic lives. Attendance was required so it provided a great chance to scope out various classmates all in one place. A sort of Target of dating, everything you could want (or never want) all under one convenient roof.

I had a crush on someone. I’ll call him X. Over the course of a few weeks we had passed the preliminary stage of acting like we didn’t care and had moved into the stage of having our friends discuss our potential relationship. God forbid we directly discuss it ourselves.

My Friend (MF): So what’s up with X?
His Friend (HF): Why do you ask, does Eileen like him or something?
MF: Maybe. Does X like her?
HF: Maybe.

This negotiation process had continued for some time and now all parties were fairly clear that:

a) I liked X, and X liked me;
b) Cardboard boxes had better communication skills than we did;
c) Our friends were in training to be United Nations ambassadors by getting maximum information while promising nothing; and
d) It was time to take our relationship to the next level

X and I were engaged in meaningful glances during the church service when it happened. The world began to seem far away. I could hear my best friend whispering to me, but she sounded like an adult from a Snoopy cartoon “wah, wah, wah, wa ha.” I suddenly was covered with a clammy sweat. Black spots started to appear in the corners of my vision. I knew love was supposed to make you feel wonky, but this seemed all wrong. I had to get out of there.

I could see X’s face. His eyes were growing wide as I stumbled towards him and the aisle. I stopped in front of him. My vision narrowed.

That’s the last thing I remembered, then I passed out.

Apparently I gave some sort of primal grunt. My friend described it as “it sounded like you were trying to pass a cow.” I then lunged for X, although I suspect it was more of an uncontrolled fall. No doubt X thought one of the following had happened:

1) I had been overcome by my love for him and had to have him right then, right there,
2) I was having a religious vision;
3) I was a zombie and wanted to eat his brain; or
4) I was a total loser and social geek and should be avoided at all costs in the future.

X went with option four. I regained consciousness after only a minute or so. Everyone was staring at me, except for X who was clearly planning never to look at me again.

This experience taught me a couple valuable lessons.
1) Always eat a good breakfast or you could become lightheaded.
2) Although the idea of “falling for someone” sounds romantic, in reality it involves making unattractive noises and drooling. If you are wearing a skirt you may fall over with your panties on display. This should be avoided at all costs.

My advice is if you plan to skip breakfast be sure to wear pants and don’t fall for anyone unless you’re sure he’s the kind of guy who can be counted on to pick you back up.

Eileen Cook is the author of Unpredictable and What Would Emma Do? as well as the upcoming Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood. Visit her at www.eileencook.com.

3 Comments:

Blogger Rhonda Stapleton said...

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA dude. I'm dying laughing. That is the best swooning story EVER.

June 11, 2009 at 6:17 AM  
Blogger Lucy said...

I agree with Rhonda. That's hysterical!

June 12, 2009 at 4:27 AM  
Blogger Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Oh, the agony and sheer delight of this swoon!

June 14, 2009 at 11:45 AM  

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